Heliocentric Bullshit No.93

Heliocentric Bullshit is the title of a weekly newsletter that i used to post for a while and decided to continue. It’s located at tinyletter but i’ll post it here also for the time being.


This week the timing worked out and i can write about a childhood memory.

Back in the year 1987 i was accused of ignoring people. Fact was, due to an error in my genetic building plan, my ear canals got clogged over time due to fluids from infections and ear wax not being able to be transported out of my body. It took a few months until the possibility of my hearing being impaired was considered an option and i was subjected to a hearing test, which helped my reputation but led to my first encounter with surgery.
The solution to the problem was to remove the obstacle and put a small tube in its way. If the tissue would regrow, it would leave out the space around the tube and thus establish a „natural“ pathway for all the stuff that is not needed in my hearing system to be expelled.
Back then i got a lot of Masters Of The Universe figures from our regular trips to the flea market. My brother and the new flat cost a lot of money, but our parents always managed to get us the toys we desired somehow. And in the case of He-Man and his friends, i wanted them all. And this is where the geek part of the story starts:
My Grandfather bought me Dragstor, a member of the Evil Horde. I dug the figure with it’s stomach wheel. A year later, i got his origin stories counterpart, Extendar. While Dragstor came from the flea market, Extendar was presented to me on card, so with the mini comic that came with the figures back in the day. Here’s were things get weird.
In the time since Dragstor landed in my toy box, i acquired the skill of being able to read, so i put it to use and read the origin story of both Dragstor and Extendar. Which presented me with this:

I was panicked. Before my mind’s eye was the scene if the surgeon who performed the operation sitting in his office in anticipation of a message from Hordak, ordering him to flip a switch and transform me into a member of the Evil Horde. And i wanted to hang out with the mightiest man in the universe, not being hanged by him[1].
But i did not throw the comic into a corner and awaited my transformation but read on. And perhaps i could have ended up like Extendar.

He starts out with a massive inferiority complex and voluntarily agrees to Hordak performing some surgery on him. But with He-Man’s help he can overcome the dastardly foes attempt to recruit him for his evil cause.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that i consumed to much corrosive stuff in my childhood. And that we could work on what we perceive as our shortcomings before some evil leader, most of the time ourselves, uses them against others, again, most of the time ourselves. As a reminder i got the new version of the Extendar figure.

The tubes were removed a year later. The planned canal did grow to a barrier again and the procedure started anew. After the second removal my hearing seemed to be ok until i found out about the pleasure of listening to loud music.

[1] Which would have never happened in the cartoons because one of the requirements for making the Masters cartoon show possible, was a script check by a an on staff child psychologist.

Thank You for your time!


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